Gain and loss

It has been a while since I updated my blog! Well, as you can probably tell from my previous posts, something unpleasant happened in my family but let's put it behind and move forward, hoping that things will only get better from here. :)

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I just came back from a family trip yesterday. Spent 8 days in Shanghai/Hangzhou/Wuxi/Suzhou and it was absolutely awesome to spend some quality time with grandma, uncles, aunties, cousins and of course, daddy, mummy and sisters. I can't remember when was the last time I went on a vacation with such a big group of family members(there were 22 of us!) but I really cherish every moments spent with them, especially when I am living abroad. Many secondary school friends graduated this year and went back to Malaysia for good. I have to admit that seeing the photos on Facebook and listening to the stories about their reunions with friends did make me thinking.. maybe it is time to head back home? There is no perfect plans and the same for my plan of staying overseas in short term . The trade off of not being able to spend more time with family, especially the elderly at home, and friends is one that I am always aware of but it hits me harder this year and I ponder to what extend or how long I am willing to sacrifice it for. I read an article today and it writes 'the reason we move to new countries is because we are either running from or running to something'. I do agree with the author and the question is - Is the something that I am running to worth more than what I am missing out on?

Next please

What to say, what to trust? When trust shattered into pieces, bias comes into play, skepticism steps in, no one except yourself knows what the truth is. Perhaps you are confused too. The only thing I ask for after all these dramas is respect to yourself and the family. At the very least, respect the bond we have/had, stand in our shoes and graciously bid goodbye.

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Everyone wants the best for you but I can completely understand the fact that you want to handle this on your own. I would demand the right to make the decision if I were you. Follow your rationale, listen to your heart. Ultimately, it is your life. I mean it when I say I support all your decisions, I am still and will always do.

Scars never heal

Do you truly know what you have given up, how destructive the impacts are and how serious the consequence is? Confusion is never a good reason. In fact, I don't think it is a legit one. Things were once perfect but you risked this fragile happiness and ruined everything within a minute. You bear what you do. Time to grow up, be a mature person and face the reality. You put a family, your lover, your great future and possibly lifetime happiness at risk. Disappointment and heartbroken can't fully describe the feeling.

Not yet

I might miss a very good one but the timing is not right. Sometimes, all I need is that courage in a split second. Just not there yet.

Distance

So I have moved to Brisbane for more than 2 months. Everything is going pretty well and I am very happy with my life so far. Some said that "You are finally an adult, to live by yourself, away from family, be independent and take care of yourself" when they first knew that I moved interstate. Well, I am not sure how true that statement is. Or should I say, how true is the opinion of having my sisters to be with me in Melbourne = sisters take care of everything, I am not (really) a grown-up and do not understand the feeling of staying away from home? I guess being able to take care of my daily life, knowing how to enjoy the "me time", and adapting quite well at this place so far indicate that the 5 years in Melbourne with my sisters did teach me how to be independent and look after myself.

Loneliness is a feeling that we can't control but it is our choice on how we want to spend the lonely time. You can spend hours crying and dwell on it. Or take a walk in the city, explore a suburb, reading, talking with friends, go out to meet new people. Often, being alone could be the most enjoyable time as you get to do what you have always wanted to do, or simply being random and do something that you have never thought of doing.

The truth might not be what you see.
What you don't see doesn't mean they do not exist.

B.e.c.a.u.s.e

How to put this in words? What you told me is definitely not entirely wrong but to my surprise, someone whom I thought know me very well doesn't seem to be so. There are many things that I tend not to "announce" immediately not because I think you don't understand it, but simply because I know there is a chance of you misinterpret it and end up misunderstanding the situation. Correct me if I am wrong but there is a difference between not understanding and misunderstanding. Which is worse? For me, it is the latter. If you are skeptical about something BEFORE I can prove the real meaning to you, is there a possibility of you admitting you are wrong in assuming something which isn't true (especially when you are stubborn)? Everyone is different. You and me prioritize different things in life. As you said, it is MY life, it is MY future. You told me 2 paths that I could end up going but hey, you have forgotten about a crucial point. There is actually (and definitely) more than 2 choices. Why are you limiting me (and maybe yourself) in just either black or white, win or lose, A or B, 1 or 2? Everyone pursues different achievements and everyone is different. Different opinions, different priorities, different needs, different dreams, different preference. There is no always a clear cut on what the SHOULD or SHOULD NOT is (I am talking about the personal individual beliefs which can not be judged based on moral ground). Yes, I agree with your point. Yes, I understand where you come from. Yes, I understand your concern. Yes, I understand your intention completely. BUT can you please try to see things from my perspective? 

Of course, there is no doubt that what you say is correct and I do understand the situation. Yet, I wonder you see the whole clear picture before setting that particular mode in your mind.

Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for your advice. No matter it perfectly fits into my situation or not, I do learn something out of it. And don't worry, I do absorb and digest what you say. It is important to be humble and accept constructive criticism all the time. No matter who gives the advice and comments, it is not the rank, the experience, the people that matter. It is what that has been told that matters. Apply if it is correct and vice versa. And yes, that is the principle that I believe and uphold in life.